Shaun Micallef works aboard a riverboat with Francis transporting livestock to the Middle East. Along the way the two play 'Turkey in the Straw' with a goat.

Tosh is an Argentinian gaucho who rides Stephen instead of a horse. Francis abducts Stephen in a flying saucer. Tosh confronts Francis in a fencing dispute.

Francis' car beats Christie's horse-drawn wagon at poker. Christie uses a balloon to make herself 'light on her feet' but comes undone after crashing in Lakehurst, New Jersey.

Tosh emulates his hero, Charles Lindbergh, by building and flying his own airplane. Things don't turn out the way anyone thought when he turns into a werewolf.

Stephen builds a pretend TV studio out of blankets and attends the red carpet opening in drag as Peta Credlin, in a chartreuse sports jacket as Alan Jones, and finally in a tizzy over nothing as Chris Kenny.

While Shaun, drunk on bootlegged hooch, is away hunting, Tosh, Emily, and an army of mice ransack his house for food. WARNING: GRAPHIC VIOLENCE.

Shaun joins an army of terrapins dressed like the forces of Vlad the Impaler to battle an army of cats dressed in German World War 1 helmets. Kommandant Francis leads the cats in a raid on Shaun's farm.

Shaun sells animated hot dogs at a carnival and heckles Lachy Hulme. Shaun gives him a free hot dog and serenades Francis outside his trailer.

Francis and his barnyard pals put on a show that includes dancing ducks, opera singing by Patricia Pig, and Francis' own rendition of the song, "Hey Ya" by Outkast who sue him for copyright infringement.

Christie's running a small-town railroad. She takes Tosh for a wild ride on a humanoid train which eventually rumbles out of control and kills everyone in a devastating fireball.

As part of "Francis' Big Road Show", Francis plays a calliope pulled by Emily. They later perform a rendition of 'Doop' on the xylophone and piano using each others' teeth as keyboards.

Stephen goes gargling, but when his gullet malfunctions, Tosh is left facing several vicious animals. To appease them, Francis plays his banjolele, and is soon eaten.

Lucius Carpenter leaves for Alaska during the gold rush but is buried in a glacial avalanche. After 67 years he is thawed out and returns to the home of his now-elderly son, Edwin, a land developer in California.

Thadias Boweavil & El Greco Tunis go undercover for the Australian Border Force to bring down drug lord Ezekial Panatone in exchange for erasing their criminal records.

High school car enthusiast Frug Sajak is sent to live in Adelaide with his turtle, only to find solace in the city's beautiful treatment works at Bolivar.

ASIO operative Thadias Boweavil and El Greco Tunis are forced to work together to avenge the murder of Tunis' ex-mother Sacha Milk-Green and apprehend drug lord Bobby Cattermole.

El Greco Tunis, Thadias Boweavil and Simon Package plan to steal $500 billion from corrupt businessman Toni Mxyzptlk while being pursued by AFP Commissioner Lucky Nostrils.

El Greco Tunis is offered amnesty for their crimes by Lucy Nostrils in exchange for taking down an organization led by Giselle Prong, one member of which is Tunis' former lawyer Bazza McUnderfleagle.

Myles Vandertooth, a rogue special forces assassin seeking to avenge his comatose younger brother's low ATAR score, puts the team of El Greco Tunis and Thadias Boweavil in danger once again.

Cyberterrorist, Christabella Plumb coerces El Greco Tunis into working for her and turns him against his team, forcing them to find El Greco and take down Plumb.

El Greco Tunis and his family must face Myles Vandertooth's younger brother Yakov, a deadly assassin with a tooth of gold, who is working with their old enemy Randy Sputum.

Mr Ed escapes a knackery, steals a car and heads back to L.A. where his owner Wilbur Post has been arrested by the NSW police for allegedly forging documents and giving them to Angus Taylor.

After the Taylors' old housekeeper, gets married and moves away, Aunt Bee moves in to take care of Andy but Opie will not accept her and tampers with her brakes.

Andy and Barney decide to take action when the state police leave them out of a manhunt for an escaped lunatic.

Andy helps a local folk guitarist get a chance at stardom by arresting a band passing through town and shooting them when they try to escape.

An Australian billionaire paper recycler comes to Mayberry to meet with his accountants but Andy gets suspicious when he finds out the mysterious visitor has only ever paid $1.36 in tax.

Andy suspects that Ellie is thinking about marriage when she invites him to the annual church picnic wearing a wedding dress.

Andy teaches Opie about keeping promises, then must figure what to do with a friend of Opie's who has run away from home to join the public service.

Andy and Ellie stage a fake hostage situation to boost Barney's self-confidence but Barney gets into trouble when he detonates explosives on the roof and destroys a helicopter.

Andy is disappointed in Opie for giving so little to a charity drive - until he learns the reason (SPOILER ALERT: Opie is laundering his money through a Cayman Islands shell company).

Andy seeks to end a long-running family feud before joining two lovers on a weekend in Wallaroo.

Ellie starts a battle of the sexes when she decides to run for town council but doesn't count on the rampant misogyny of conservative politics.

Despite being forced by "Scrooge" Ben Weaver to arrest bootlegger Sam Muggins on Christmas Eve, Andy still manages to have the most wonderful Christmas in Mayberry.

The citizens of Mayberry are suspicious of a young stranger (Peter Dutton) who seems to know everything about them. When his goons start smashing windows and arresting people, they rise up and vent their anger online.

Believing he's made Wilma disappear by magic, Fred is arrested and tried for witchcraft. Under torture, he confesses but Barney turns up moments before the burning and points out that Christianity doesn't yet exist.

Fred and Barney build a joint swimming pool, leading to fights before Fred's surprise birthday party. This saddens Fred and he is prescribed anti-depressants by Dr Melfi. Barney gets revenge by filling the pool with jelly.

An 'associate' of Fred's gets Barney a job in 'waste management'. Barney's first assignment is to kill Fred, instead Barney pays off Fred's debt to Heche with his pay cheque and Fred moves to Miami under a different name.

After being hit on the head with a bottle of car polish, Fred contracts amnesia and becomes an Englishman named 'Frederick'. Meanwhile, Wilma develops feeling for Furio.

A Hollyrock film company comes to town to film 'Cleaver', and gullible Fred is enlisted as stand-in for star Billy Baldwin. When Fred sees the final cut he is annoyed at how he has been portrayed and he confronts Christopher.

Fred and Barney have to babysit and miss out seeing a wrestling match. After a blackout at the arena, they take the kids to Joe Pantoliano's house to watch the fight on TV. Joe tells them he's an actor, not a character.

Barney buys Betty an expensive ring, which he gives to Fred for safe-keeping but Wilma discovers it and assumes it's for her. Fred buys a second ring but doesn't have the cash, so he borrows from a loan shark in Philly.

Wilma and Betty win a trip to Hollyrock. Finding themselves lonely and bored, Fred and Barney take vacations from work and follow them out. When Wilma is 'discovered', Fred arranges for the head of the studio to be 'whacked'.

Fred and Barney hide their sweepstakes ticket in the lining of an old coat, which Betty gives to a passing hobo. Meanwhile, Wilma and Betty have their own ticket stashed away at the Rubbles' house but it's raided by the Feds.

Fed up with their jobs, Fred and Barney plan to open a strip club. Fred has to deal with a suspicious Wilma, who wants to know why young women keep calling him and what the messages regarding two tons of cocaine mean.

When Fred discovers a bag containing 86 large, he thinks he's rich but the money belongs to Johnny Sack. Wilma and Betty force Fred and Barney to return the money and unwittingly set up a series of gangland slayings.

Fred convinces Wilma and the Rubbles to spend their vacation in the mountains, digging up and re-burying old bodies where the cops can't find them. Fred and Barney fight while playing Monopoly and AJ flunks out of Rutgers.

While trying to show off Fred hypnotises Barney into thinking that he is Pussy, but can't reverse the trick. Barney lives out the rest of his life wearing a wire and squealing to the FBI.

Tony suffers amnesia from a vase falling on his head, and, seeing Jeannie, instantly falls in love with her. He declares his love and insists they get married.

When Dr Bellows spots Tony floating in his chair in his living room, he has no choice but to explain it by saying he is an amateur magician and that was one of his tricks.

Jeannie recognises a visiting princess as a member of a family that she has a centuries-old feud with.

While on a trip to the museum, Jeannie spots a pair of antique slippers that she believes belonged to her over 2000 years past.

For NASA charity auction, Tony paints a copy of Rembrandt's famous 1658 self portrait. Jeannie sees her master's work and decides he's quite a painter.

Tony is skeptical about a fortune teller Roger has been seeing in the apartment next to his and goes to investigate. Turns out she is actually quite good.

When Dr Bellows makes a stop at Tony's house, he sees an elephant in Tony's bedroom. He then calls General Peterson and when they both go over there they see nothing and of course Bellows is made a fool yet again.

Tony goes to drop off a few papers to General Peterson when he gives a try at a few swings of golf. General Peterson orders that Tony be put to death by firing squad.

Following Tony and Roger's promotion to major, the general sends them to Reno, Nevada to relax a few days before going to a base there but they get lost and end up in Fresno.

Tony, frustrated over Jeannie's constant use of magic to help around the house, makes her swear not to help him out anymore under any circumstances. Jeannie agrees, but when Red Chinese spies kidnap Tony, problems arise.

A shot for shot remake of 'Hans Heiratete Einen Hummer'. This satire on Weimar steel manufacturing takes on new meaning with the director's decision to have the actors wink at the end of each line.

Franz Kafka and H.P Lovecraft team up to solve a small-town murder. Kafka is convinced the culprit is the banal inhumanity that lives in the heart of all relationships, but Lovecraft believes it's a giant octopus.

A film maker explores the origins of the influential but little studied music group The Beatles. In a remarkable ending, it emerges one of them, Paul, is still playing music to packed arenas all over the world.

A single unbroken shot of an orange rolling down the world's highest flight of steps at Mt. Niesen in Switzerland, set to the song 'Macho Man' by the Village People.

On the show tonight are our stories on the silencing of Abbott, Bernardi's tsking, Clive Palmer's big comeback announcement, the Queen's not coming back for the Commonwealth Games, and Barnaby, Barnaby, Barnaby.

A successful, forty-something stock broker from Wollongong is coaxed into a penguin encounter which forces her to take personal inventory of her life.

When the evil wizard Cain O'Beans chases the tiny Frankfurt people out of their village, they tumble from their magical world into the city of Canberra. Featuring Russell Crowe as the voice of the Volcano.

An unhappily married ironmonger suspects his deceased postman has returned from the dead. However, after a quick phone call to the PMG, he learns he is mistaken.

A documentary on 90-year-old Dagwood dog virtuoso Wayne Blacka (Francis Greenslade) and his relationship with his son and eventual heir, Bartholomew (also Francis Greenslade, but in a different wig).

A decaf soy latte with magical powers costs only fifty cents more than a regular one. Directed by James Cameron.

When a man wakes up in the morning it starts a chain of events that leads to him going back to sleep at the end of the day. Stars Shane Crawford.

A car that talks gets laryngitis and learns what it's like to be a normal car. Stars Meryl Streep, Jo Silvagni.

In a glittering cavalcade of Busby Berkley style production numbers, Shaun and the gang pay tribute to the music of Peter Andre. With special guest Eddie Obeid.

Seven veteran gunslingers agree to defend a poor Mexican village against an outbreak of Japanese encephalitis.

An acrobat, a diplomat and a bureaucrat enter a laundromat and engage in some chit-chat about a thermostat. Stars Chow Yun-fat.

In a futuristic society, all sarcasm has been eliminated except for the occasional use of the phrase "oh, do you think so?" by Nether-Zone outcasts.

A priest and a tame bear travel back in time to Dallas, Texas on November 23, 1963 to try and prevent an episode of 'The Patty Duke Show' going to air.

Biopic of Entente Cordiale, the blind French plumber who, in 1886, won the contract to install the male toilets in the Statue of Liberty's head.

A freelance ant exposed to deadly Q*bert radiation in a science explosion discovers it has the ability to shrink its body to the size of a smaller ant.

Eleven jurors agree that a young Hispanic boy is guilty of murder. Only Juror #8 is doubtful, secretly suspecting that he himself is the real murderer.

A man and a woman, both in a shopping centre and a kind of a metaphor meet briefly on some escalators - his going up and hers going down.

A man and a woman, both in a shopping centre and a kind of a metaphor meet briefly on some escalators - his going up and hers going down.

The Sultan of Marzipan commands Sinbad the sailor to undertake a dangerous quest to the forbidden pizzeria of N'Gru for a family size Hawaiian (no ham or pineapple).

Adaptation of Shakespeare's 'Titus Andronicus' in which a man unwittingly eats an apple pie containing apples which, only hours earlier, he had been juggling with.

A childless Australian couple adopt a young Indian boy. Years later when they politely ask him to trim a hedge in the garden, he's like, "No way, I didn't sign up for that."

To raise money for charity, the San Antonio Spurs basketball team is miniaturised, injected into Iggy Pop's head and given just 60 minutes to find five living brain cells which it can challenge to a game of 'hoops'.

Thriller in which a man wakes to discover that his left kidney has been removed and replaced with a nuclear bomb set to go off at 1800 hours - exactly when he's supposed to be at his son's school concert.

During a sudden moon storm, a space baker is abandoned by his fellow astronauts. Talking to himself so we understand what he's thinking, the space baker must ration a single sachet of yeast to survive.

Haunted by the death of her refrigerator expansion valve, a young woman moves to Tuscany to begin a new life - only to discover that you can't escape your past (the broken expansion valve follows her there).

A dying man decides to embark on a 2000km road trip with his son to visit something or other one last time. But as a surprise, the son buys a pair of plane tickets, so they end up flying instead.

On a secret mission to kidnap a Nazi ocelot rumoured to know the codes to a submarine, a team of British commandos parachute into Berlin Zoo behind enemy lions.

A time-travelling scientist accidentally steps on a butterfly in the distant past. When he returns to 2016, he discovers to his horror that his tiny action has altered the future - he's married to a butterfly!

Investigating a string of murders in which the victims were all found bound in string, a detective wonders whether the deaths are the work of 'the String Killer'. Unsure, he retires.

On the anniversary or his wife's botched lobotomy, a lonely widower discovers that love has a funny way of turning up in the most unexpected places - like a toilet bowl, for example.

Biopic of Arun Singh, the Calcutta dust wrangler who taught Mother Teresa to box and, for a week in July 1963, was widely regarded as the handsomest man on Earth.

When a man accidentally runs over a gypsy's head, she places a terrible curse on him: for an entire year, he will urinate through his nose (after a year, it's back to the penis as normal).

Trapped underground, three miners keep their spirits up by playing songs to each other. In a twist ending, it turns out the miners have been dead all along & they're actually trapped underground in heaven.

Auckland, 1978. A young man with the wind in his hair, also nits, dreams of a better life by winning a dusco duncing competution.

Los Angeles, 2057. The future. A cyber-gigolo accused of post-meditated mind-murder travels back in time to 1958 to try and prevent the invention of the hula hoop.

Oklahoma, 1936. Tom, Ma, Pa, Uncle John and their crippled scientist friend Davros enjoy a hearty meal of dust. "Anyone for seconds?" laughs Tom.

Singapore, 1942, just before the fall of the tiny island state (when it was feeling a bit dizzy). A manticore, a chimera and a basilisk walk into a bar and have a quiet drink - nothing to see here.

Tibet, 1957. The Dalai Lama invites you to go rollerblading. If you accept his invitation, turn to Page 34. If you choose to denounce him as a capitalist roader, turn to Page 132.

A janitor accidentally trapped overnight at New York's Grand Central Station is amazed when the men's public toilets magically come to life (also the urinal cakes, hand dryers, toilet rolls etc.)

Kyoto, 1999. One the eve of National Udon Day, a love octagon develops between a flatulent geisha, a sumo wrestler, a yakuza flautist, a deaf samurai, a pedantic ninja and three other Japanese stereotypes.

You might think you know all about sugar, but how much do you really know about sugar? Tonight, everything you need to know about sugar - and some things you perhaps didn't need to know! About sugar.

Drawing on old Super 8 footage, videotape, still photos, eyewitness accounts and police records, a former marine is able to piece together the final moments before his colonoscopy.

Terry's not like you or me. You see, Terry hears voices in his head. Angry voices. Voices that tell him to kill. (Twist: Terry works in telemarketing and the voices are customers in his headphones.)

Like a poorly thrown satirical boomerang, Shaun Micallef's Mad As Hell returns to hit news squarely on the back of its head. Join Shaun as he lumps together the war, the budget and more besides.

Mad As Hell stares in slack-jawed awe as Tony Abbott and Julie Bishop stride the UN stage like twin colossi; Clooney and Cambodia get a mention, but we don't mention the war (if indeed it is a war).

This week Mad as Hell gets the green light to be bemused by the burqa imbroglio, go ballistic over the budget and blast your ABC's blatant profligacy. All this could take weeks, months, or 29 minutes.

The gloves are off - and then quickly back on again - as we handle all things Ebola. There's also the matter of Katter, plenty of G20, rubbery employment figures and war - how would you like to pay for that sir?

Mad as Hell shirtfronts sexist girlie men, racist professors, xenophobic singlets and plenty more besides. Blistering satire that's ready to be popped with a needle-sharp lampoon? You bet I are, you bet we am.

A half-fortnightly reaping, threshing and winnowing of current affairs asphodel by the combine harvester that is Shaun Micallef.

Dave, it's me. Sorry I didn't get back to you, been flat out writing this EPG. I guess you want to know about the rocket? Well, good news - Derek Jacobi's on board! Call me.

Hey guys! Tired of having sand kicked in your face? Then why not stop burying yourself up to your neck in the middle of beach volleyball courts, you idiots.

Roderick prised open the coffin - and gasped. On the underside of the lid were dozens of ragged scratches! He stepped back, horrified. Could it be? Had he really buried his beloved wife... in a second hand coffin?

Final episode competition time! For your chance at a great prize from the ABC, just tell us in seven million words or more 'The Best Thing About Being Prolix'.

New government. Same show. Remaining true to its mission of skewering newsmakers and events, this week border security, Sochi and the odd royal commission are all given the trademark 'Mad As Hell' treatment.

Tonight, Mad As Hell's mill boasts an abundance of grist, as Australia's manufacturing decline, unneighbourly conduct, union transparency and Schapelle Corby get a federally mandated unbiased going over.

Shaun Micallef and cast return to lambast the bombast, satirise the lies and shake the fakers and newsmakers. Shrimpgate, Medicare, the WA Senate Election and the Manus Island mutiny receive the Mad As Hell scrutiny.

Mad as Hell can't handle the truth but Shaun Micallef and cast do get hopping mad with the flying kangaroo, go insane in the Ukraine and say arrivederci to George Pell while welcoming a new school curriculum.

Like Ukrainian protestors at the hands of a Russian mob, news events get a thorough going over. The perfidy, priggishness and policy to be pilloried include the ABC, Qantas debt guarantee and welcome speeches in WA.

Inexpert analysis of Sth Australian polls, Clive Palmer's tilt at the Apple Isle, the falling of a bum tree and the shenanigans in Libya all get a guernsey (or, for those in NRL states, jersey) from Shaun Micallef and cast.

Larry is up to no good having an affair with Moe's wife, and looking to have another one with Joe's fiancee. Moe catches on and plans revenge, except Larry frames Joe for being the new man in Millie's life.

From the whale depleted oceans to the cosmonaut filled void of outer space, no corner of solar system remains beyond the reach of the satirical eye of 'Shaun Micallef's Mad As Hell'.

Voula, I reckon I'm dead or something. Do you think it's from that pact we made because our love is too much for this world? Where are you? Shouldn't you be here in the White Void too? Stav.

Mad As Hell goes out with a smile and a song. Accentuating the positive, mention of the pension and a big hug for all those we beat about the face and head this series - plus a bottle of wine to our mystery contest winner!

In a special investigative report Shaun goes undercover as a member of outlaw motorcycle gang The Bandidos. But his cover is blown when he uses the word "allegorical".

When Shaun's racist neighbour Mr. Grealy invites him over to eat some Japanese, Shaun doesn't know how to take it.

When Francis asks Shaun if he can change a word in one of the scripts, Shaun kills him.

A convention for people named 'Peter' goes horribly wrong when Shaun is mistakenly invited. And hydrochloric acid starts streaming from the sprinkler system.

Mongoose. Winter is closing in. It's not safe. Go into hibernation. Further instructions to follow. Cobra.

Yo! Join Kook and the Bambino tomorrow morning at 7am on 103.6 Smash FM for your chance to win $10 playing Puzzling Noise.

Voula, if you are watching this, I am so sorry babe. Please do not let the trust we have built up over the last two weeks go to waste just because I screwed another chick. Call me? Stav.

Winning number in Tatts' Everybody Wins Lotto Draw No. 001: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39 and 40.

There's a vampire loose in Las Vegas. No one believes or wants to believe it's true. The police can't stop him, people are dying, no one is safe. How do you kill what's already dead?

The government is keen to hush up a series of mysterious deaths at the Merrymount Institute, an underground archival facility. Mad as Hell determines that the victims were ripped apart by a crocodile or other large lizard.

The strange disappearance of an antique motorcycle is the first sign of trouble. A rash of murders follow where each victim is decapitated with superhuman force by what witnesses describe as a headless motorcyclist.

A series of deaths seem to have nothing in common. Probing the murders uncovers a link: each victim was related to a hot-tempered Cajun. However the Cajun has an iron-clad alibi: he's been in a coma for weeks!

Shaun Micallef presents a round-up, branding, inoculation and crutching of all the important news stories of the week in a brand new show that's guaranteed to blow the lid off an entirely different kettle of fish.

Shaun gets more than he bargained for when a car he was buying turns out to be an ocean liner. Meanwhile, Roz and Francis are up to their old necks too when a horse they were impersonating has to be put down.

Part 1. A cursed Tiki causes havoc for Shaun and his family while on a holiday in Hawaii.

Part 2. Tosh recovers consciousness after a wipeout on his surfboard and Veronica and Emily learn the meaning of serendipity when they look it up in the dictionary.

Join Shaun and his friends in this word-based quiz show that's guaranteed to last half an hour.

When Shaun is discovered murdered on the set, Phryne is called in to solve the case. SPOILER: The food in the ABC cafeteria is to blame.

The Masterchef judges are in for a surprise when the contestants go insane and burn down the kitchen. Gary and Matt think it's a little overdone but George says it's the best thing he's ever eaten.

Kate and Quentin decide to spice up their marriage with some fantasy role playing but there are red faces all around when they turn up at their rendezvous both dressed as Michelle Grattan.

Adam Hills chats to Mannie the Clown, cricketing legend Andy Caddick and international superstar Ben Vereen.

It's down to the final two. Who will win? The final all-singing, all-dancing bake-off will see Bazza and Martine facing their final challenge to become Australia's first KareokeCook.