George Bernard Shaw advertises Beauty Miss press-on fingernails, we learn about the animation process that brings Alexei to life, hear of the impact of the National film critics' strike, and witness Margaret Thatcher visiting 17th century bubonic plague victims in the TARDIS.

Lowestoft, with its Barbados-like climate, offers much to the adventurous traveller, including excursions to the Great Pyramids of Lowestoft, and trips to the majestic Lowestoft Alps. Joan of Arc take a chance to plug her new book and album, while we learn of the alarming growth in the number of statistics in the UK during the 20th century.

Discover the answers to last week's IQ test, experience Biblical confusion, witness brutally graphic scenes of teddy bear hunting, and learn that glasnost is a kind of runny cheese.

This week's show is interrupted by a newsflash that the government is about to introduce plans for something that'll make your flesh creep, and there's nothing you can do about it. Meanwhile, Alexei abuses Dire Straits and presents The Royal Pointless and Utterly Futile Military Things Tournament.

This week on Juliet Bravo, danger threatens for Inspector Kate Longton, as she has to explain to her Sergeant that she is a woman, rather than a wigwam, and enlists the aid of Chief Inspector Greaves and Superintendent Willis to teach him about the birds and the bees.

A real-life story of bravery as Michael, decapitated by a charging rhinoceros at age 24, undergoes cranial lignoplasty to replace his head, and has to endure the difficulties of life with a skull of polished walnut.

At the beginning of Alexei's quest to explore stuff, we investigate the abject failure of social services to prevent Herod's massacre of the innocents and the bloody reign of Vlad the impaler, why the BBC is better than you, door-to-door cat boilers, and Freddy Kreuger's tenure as head of the Royal Opera Company, while dancing around in a series of tight suits.

Alexei investigates Einstein's Wilderness Years writing scripts for George Formby films, the Queen's Award For Capitalist Exploitation, sings about word association and reveals that he once abused drugs by insulting paracetamol.

Instead of watching Alexei, why not stay on BBC1 and return to the age of sword and sorcery, in Dino de Laurentiis epic "Seal Of The Soothsayer"? Alternatively, discover the link between Classical Greek mathematicians and dung, and witness walruses flying south for the winter.

Witness what happens when two TV travel programmes experience a near collision, learn about Captain Pugwash's subsequent career as controller of BBC Two, and investigate the prong-horned antelope, a member of the gerbil family and a full-time stewardess with British Airways.

Scream in terror at "Revenge Of The Bendy Toys", attend parties with man-eating Triffids, learn how to defend yourself against skinheads through the use of puckish epigrams, and visit the Princess Alexei Home For Bereaved Ventriloquist's Dummies.

Wonder at nature and the life cycle of the smoked salmon, learn of recent mass layoffs in the works of Charles Dickens, experience the awkwardness of Jehovah's Witnesses on discovering they've knocked on the door of a lodging house for Biblical figures.