Ben has returned home with a replacement car, which very unsuitable because it is pink, far too large and bizarrely shaped. David creates a fake letter to Jenny, giving her supposed A level results. In revenge, she dyes his hair green. She is pleased with her real results, which enable her to go to university. A social worker rejects Rona's adoption application.

Ben and David are fans of Tottenham Hotspur F.C., but Bill and Jenny are uninterested in football. When they win, Ben believes it to be for superstitious reasons, hence he insists the Porters perform the same routine during the following two Saturdays when the team plays. They win the next Saturday and lose the Saturday afterwards. Ben tells the family and Rona that he bet some of the neighbours that they would win, and that the forfeit for losing is that they have to sing together in the shopping precinct whilst dressed as the Spice Girls. Bill is horrified by Ben's stupid bet, but all five honour the bet.

An old flame of Bill’s, Malcolm Walker, phones her, then they meet up. Bill is attracted to him and is delighted to have time away from her stressful life when she invited him to Scotland with him. Ben becomes jealous, and, after seeing them together on TV, drives to Scotland after the pair. Bill considers having an affair with him, but decides not to and tells him that she loves Ben. Ben arrives and hits Malcolm, as does his wife. Bill also hits him, angry that he had withheld from her the fact that he is married.

Ben brings home a box of food products to test for market research, amongst the items is a sinister chocolate bar, the "Drool Bar", that has profound effects on those who eat it.

Bill and Bette visit Bill's father's memorial plaque, ten years after his death. Bette informs her that she did not, as she had claimed, have him cremated. She tells Bill that she had him frozen, and leads her to the warehouse in Bermondsey where her father's corpse is being stored. Unfortunately for Bill, she has to take the body in its freezer back home with her. The corpse is collected the following day. Bette cannot find her handbag, then remembers that she left it on the corpse.

The Porters meet David’s Italian penpal Fabrizio at Heathrow Airport. He stays with the Porters for a week. Bill becomes increasingly angered by his demanding ways and hedonistic lifestyle, especially after he, David and David's girlfriend Maxine stay out all night together. After Fabrizio is recognised and treated with reverence at an Italian restaurant, Ben assumes Fabrizio's father is a high-ranking mafioso. In his taxi ride to the airport, Fabrizio reveals to the driver that his father is Juventus F.C.'s goalkeeper.

Jenny is taken to university by her parents; arriving there Ben’s van is broken into by children, one of whom, Declan, Bill and Ben confront and begin to sympathise with when learning that he is homeless after having run away from care and that he has no contact with his mother. Bill and Ben decide to let him stay for the weekend, and consider fostering him. When the house is burgled, Ben assumes that Declan invited his criminal acquaintances to do it, but later Declan arranges for the stolen items to be returned and they appear in Jenny's university room, much to her surprise.

Bill and Rona look at a garage to use as storage for their business. They are disappointed that it is very close to a railway line. Ben is bored because the football season has ended. He puts slugs on one side of a bush in the garden and snails on the other, to see who eats it the fastest. When Jenny sunbathes in the garden, they crawl onto her. When a phone call from Jenny's mother makes Bill assume that Clive is going to a jeweller to buy an engagement ring, she tells Ben, David and Rona. They all agree that Jenny is not ready for engagement. Bill and Rona compete with Ben and David to find Clive first, as each think that they are the best person to talk Clive out of proposing. When they talk to Clive, they realise that the ring he is intending to buy is to be fixed into himself.

On an eerie Halloween evening, the Porters consider the implications of the disappearance of Mrs Crudaal, their next door neighbour, and the delivery of a rather large box to the same address. Bill believed her surname to be Crandall, but Ben says that it is Crudall, which is an anagram of Dracula.

Bill and Rona visit Bill's aunt Belle, who is now living in a tower block. Belle is stuck on the window ledge several stories up, having gone out there to feed the pigeons. While trying to save her, Rona and Bill become stuck there too - Rona narrowly avoids falling when a chunk of the ledge collapses when she steps on it. Rona tries to convince Bill that the situation they are in has been brought on by a horoscope. The three women are rescued.

Bowing to Ben, Jenny and David's desire for the family to have a dog, Bill agrees against her better judgement to have an imaginary dog, Harry, for a trial period of two weeks. Bill is shocked to find a real dog - a golden retriever - in the house, which she gives to a blind man whom she believes to be its owner. She quickly finds out that it is not his. Ben brings a very similar-looking dog home, as do Jenny and David.

Ben is 38 and his increasing dissatisfaction with imminent middle age results in him applying to join the exclusive plumber society - The Brotherhood of the Plunger. He has to perform rituals to be eligible to join, and is then invited to a meeting. He wrongly assumes his invitation to be a prank by Jake, so he takes the hoods off a few of the attendees - for which he is rejected and ejected.

Ben's mid-life crisis worsens. Bill is astonished to be left two items by a distant relation: a strange-looking wardrobe and a genuine fur coat. Jenny disapproves of the fur trade, so Bill hides in the wardrobe whilst wearing the coat. The wardrobe is taken to auction with Bill in it. She leaves, walking into an anti-fur demonstration at which Jenny is one of the attendees. Rona has cravings for strange combinations of food, making her suspect that she is pregnant. A test shows that she is not pregnant, but has diabetes. When leaving the hospital, she finds an abandoned baby girl under a bush.

Ben is missing from home and work. With the help of Harry, Bill finds him singing on stage with David's boy band. Rona brings the baby home. She hides her from Bill, who finds out about her due to hearing the baby's crying.

Tina has booked herself on a luxury cruise alone; Brian having left her two years ago. When Bill and company give Ben’s tactless sister a lift to the ship, they end up crashing into the captain and his crews’ cars. Later, after getting onto the ship to say goodbye to Tina, it departs. Bill, Ben, David and Rona have to disguise themselves to prevent the captain from recognising them.

To Bill’s dislike, Ben has bought a lottery ticket and the prospect of winning millions causes arguments in the Porter household and speculation about what they would spend the money on if they won the jackpot. Bill panics when she sees that Ben's lottery ticket has been destroyed in the washing machine. Ben chose the numbers at random, so Bill and Rona buy a replacement at a petrol station, also selecting the numbers at random. At home, Bill is surprised when she sees the numbers read out on television.

Bill won some money on the lottery, but not the jackpot. David frequently sneaks out the house. Jenny and Bill are puzzled and are determined to find out what he is doing. Rona suggests that he is having sex. Bill initially dismisses her suggestion, saying that at 15 he is too young to have sex, but she then realises that it is a possibility. They first think it is with a teenage girl, but when they phone a number on a piece of paper that Bill found, an older woman answers who says that she lives alone. Suspecting that he is having a fling with her, Bill and Ben go to her house. They discover that rather than sexual involvement between David and the woman, she is his acting tutor who is helping him prepare for a role in the school acting competition. As Bill and Ben are leaving, they are accidentally loaded into a wardrobe which is put on a lorry.

Bill is annoyed at her children doing little, Ben knocking through a wall in the house using a sledgehammer and a stranger phoning repeatedly and talking to her in German. Ben tells her than he told the Grimeses that he and Bill would look after their house whilst they are on holiday in Switzerland. Speaking to the Grimeses on the phone makes them realise that they are meant to be looking after their pets, but the Porters do not know which animals they are, nor where they are. When Bill and Ben go to the Grimeses' house, they find a pond containing several dead fish. Already in deep trouble with the neighbours over euthanising their dog and losing their cat, Tina buys replacement fish; Bill and Ben rush back to the Grimeses whilst Rona and Tony delay them until the fish can be put in the pond. When the Grimeses return, they tell the Bill and Ben that the fish died before they left, and that they have racing pigeons.

Bill and Rona look at a Portakabin which they intend to use for their business. Whilst they are in it, it is put on a lorry and taken to Nuneaton. Ben and David attempt to fix the wall that Ben broke through. Jenny prepares for a visit from Clive, his mother Laura and her German mother Sophie’s visit to the Porter household. Bill’s anti-German mother Bette and Rona's aunt Pearl arrive soon before Clive and his family are due, so Bill and Rona prevent Bette and Sophie from meeting by delaying Clive, Laura and Sophie until after Bette and Pearl leave to go to Rona's. Whilst the family are downstairs at the Porters', Sophie and Bill are shocked by Christine - who is going to a party - stepping out of a cupboard whilst dressed as Adolf Hitler. Then a large unexploded bomb falls through the ceiling, having been dislodged by Ben and David as they work on the house.

Ben plays a prank on Jake, phoning him at 3am, pretending to be a Welsh customer who has a bad leak in his bathroom. Jake arrives at the location - a show house - to find a rotting leek stuck to the wall. Jake retaliates by knocking him out and taking him Portmeirion, where Jake chases him with a giant white balloon, as in The Prisoner. Ben bursts the balloon and drives home in Jake's van. Bill and Rona break into a warehouse which they want to use for their business, discovering that it full of Shirley Bassey's stage gowns. They wear the gowns as they film each other using a camcorder, which they accidentally leave there. David prepares for his performance in the school acting competition, which Jenny watches in the audience. Bill and Ben want to see their son on stage, but their diversions cause them to miss it. He arrives home to tell them that he won and shows then his trophy.

Tony has moved in with Rona and informed the council that her mother Ena - who died 11 years earlier - is dead. Rona had been keeping that secret from them in order to continue living in her council house. Rona tries to find her birth certificate, because the council will likely allow her to continue living there if she can prove that she is Ena daughter. The Porters gather at Rona’s to test out a ghost-tracking device, to see if the spirit of Rona’s mother has risen from the grave; the device does not work. Pearl gives Rona her birth certificate, telling her that she hid it because it proves that she is actually her mother, explaining that in 1957 she was single and pregnant, so she gave Rona to her sister and sister's husband, who were unable to produce children. Not being the previous tenant's daughter means that Rona and Tony have to move out.

As always. the festive occasion does not go to plan for the Porter family. This year, Ben reveals to the family that he has been keeping a live pig in a lock-up garage since it was delivered by a courier in August. Prior to it being delivered, he had thought it would be delivered cut up and ready to cook. The family want to eat it for Christmas dinner, but do not want to kill it. After trying to find a way of removing the pig from their house, the pig gives birth.

Bill promises Jenny that she will not do anything embarrassing when meeting Jenny's boyfriend Clive's parents. Bill gives them a box of chocolates, which she does not realise contains David's cockroaches (which she was unaware of him having). Bill and Ben decide to hide their inflatable Pope before Clive's parents visit them. However, it spontaneously inflates and they cannot find the valve, so they stab it to deflate it. Bill and Ben are unaware that Clive's parents in their front garden and see through the front room window what they are doing.

The electricity cuts out, so Ben tries to fix the problem, which requires fuse wire. Bill finds it, but pretends not to in order to make the family have an evening of conversation without the television, radio and stereo. She puts it in a self-addressed stamped envelope, which she puts in the post box. The conversation goes badly and the absence of power means that the food in the fridge will spoil and the house is cold and dark, so Bill retrieves the envelope, tells him what she did and gives him the wire.

Bill receives a chain letter threatening dire bad luck if not continued. Against Ben's wishes she tears it up, and some unfortunate events occur soon afterwards. When another four copies of the letter arrive, suspicion falls upon Rona, causing an argument. Tina arrives and tells Bill that she sent it. Ben is about to jump out of an aeroplane to do his first parachute jump.

Bill is ill in bed and worried about what is going on outside her bedroom. Jenny tells Bill that she engaged in some sexual activity with Clive, but did not have intercourse. Bill watches Rona her with a telescope, where she sees Rona dragging a large bag to her car and driving off with it - wrongly assuming Rona to have killed Tony. Rona visits Bill and tells Bill that she took Tony out of the house under cover to prevent his jealous ex-wife from discovering that she is having sex with him. Ben is looking after the Grimeses' cat, Snowdrop, during the Grimes' holiday. When they cannot find it, Ben follows a cat whom he assumes to be Snowdrop to a building site. When he brings the cat home, Jenny points out that the black cat he has is not Snowdrop, who is white. The Porters are pleased that the builders have completed their work in the kitchen - but the family hear a cat meowing under the floorboards.

Bill is busy working in the kitchen, so refuses to listen to Jenny talk about her anxiety about the school's upcoming talent show, at which Charlene performs "Like a Virgin" whilst dressed as Madonna. Ben drives David and Jenny onstage in his car, then the three perform the Blues Brothers' "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love". Rona's attempts to conceive have now become so bizarre and demanding that Tony is planning to stop seeing her. Bill visits Rona; there are two cobras in her living room, which escaped from the Institute of Tropical Medicine and arrived in pizza boxes which Rona ordered. Whilst there, Bill is horrified to see through the window that her house is on fire.

The Porters' kitchen is on fire; Bill leave's Rona's and meets Ben, Jenny and David on the street between Rona's house and their house. After the fire brigade leave, Bill is horrified at the damage to the house - although the fire was put out before it could spread to the rest of the house. Bette arrives with a skip to clean up the mess, and friends and relatives come over to help clear up. Bill and Ben redecorate. Rona suggests to Tony that they continue to have sex together whether or not they have a baby. She traps him inside her sofa bed.

When David is emailed by an anonymous person asking for Bill, suspicions seep into the household. Bill realises the emailer knows her name and that anything she asks for immediately happens.

Cleaning David’s room, Bill finds his diary and reads it showing previous mishaps at the Porters’. These include David cutting up a brain with a bread knife, and Rona’s gay brother getting close and personal with Ben. Bill visits her mother's identical twin sister Belle, who refuses to leave her flat. Whilst Bill is waiting for Rona to pick her up, a street prostitute mistakenly assumes Bill to be competing with her for clients.

Whilst David and Jenny are asleep, Bill and Ben see two men smuggling goods into a car, leading them to believe the pair are thieves. Bill and Ben trespass in their neighbours’ home only leading to making themselves look like thieves.

Ben becomes addicted to a computer game, trying to relieve the stress he feels due to having lost customers. Rona visits the Catholic school which she attended. She tells a former classmate that she is a widowed mother, despite her having never married or had children.

Ben gets locked out of his house and Jenny helps Bill and Rona in a catering event. Unfortunately, the day is stressful for the women and added to their troubles is the annoying Tina who begs Bill to find out if her husband is cheating on her.

Ben’s feud with rival heating repairman Jake apparently ends when Jake dies; a Star Trek funeral is prepared for him. He appears at his funeral alive, angering Ben. A health inspector visits the Porters' house to see if their kitchen is fit for a catering business. Bill and Rona go to the bank for a business loan, where the adviser tells her that they will need to put up collateral to secure it. Ben puts his car up as collateral. The Porters fly to Miami.

The Porters are in the Florida Keys, but flee to Miami to escape a hurricane named Bill that they think is following them. The family fly home, having found their holiday stressful. Rona tries to seduce Tony and encourage him to father her baby, so that she can become a single mother. He does not agree to impregnating her, so they agree that he wear a condom when they have sex. He is unaware that she deliberately pierced it with a needle.

On their way to a hotel, the Porters become lost in the middle of nowhere and have to spend the night in an eerie old house. The night takes a darker turn when they go missing one by one.

Bill has a nightmare in which she is in bed with Angelo and comes downstairs to find David with a shotgun, Rona has become a nun, Jenny is being tattooed by a punk and a man is at the door ready to install a satellite dish. Bill wakes later than she wanted to and is bored at home. She examines her breasts until she realises that the window cleaner is watching her from outside. She receives phone calls from her mother, which annoy and bore her. Bill has been unemployed for 14 weeks and has to sign on, but the car breaks down on her way to her appointment. Bill arrives at her DHSS appointment, but her advisor becomes unstable and starts acting more like a client than Bill is. Feeling bored at home, Bill takes a job with Rona in an airline meals factory. That night, exhausted, Bill falls asleep on the couch, while on the television the local news reports a motorcycle accident on the M25 in which Angelo was killed.

Bill tells Jenny that she hates her new job at the factory, and the hours are causing a strain on her well-being. Ben catches the flu. Bill has to watch the next-door neighbours Leonard and Nora Grimes' elderly dog, Rufus, who suffers from flatulence. When Rufus becomes sick with digestive problems the Porters must decide whether to euthanise him or let him live in pain. Bill gives Ben some of Rufus' aspirins but in the night he starts feeling worse and vomits. Ben is upset that Bill had Rufus euthanised and asks if she would do the same to him. David has become fascinated by death, especially after seeing a report on TV about a fire in the High Street which has killed some people. He wants to watch as their bodies are being brought out, but Bill refuses to let him. In the middle of the night, David buries his teddy bear in a shoe-box coffin in the back garden.

Inspired by the Terminator, Ben drives aggressively on the way to Parents' Evening at David's school, and cuts up a Ford Escort. Bill fears Ben is influencing David's growing obsession with violence and death, though Ben denies it. Ben confronts the driver of the Escort, but when he finds out that the driver is a wheelchair user, he feels ashamed. Ben challenges the Escort driver to a wheelchair race, but loses. Everyone thinks Jenny is malingering to avoid taking part in P.E. until Rona confronts her about her behaviour. Bill fears she is pregnant, and buys a home pregnancy test. When she discovers one of the testers is missing, she thinks Jenny is pregnant, and Rona has to convince Jenny to confide in Bill that she is suffering from bulimia. Ben reveals to Bill that he took the pregnancy test and it says he is pregnant.

Bill gets into trouble at work for putting a rescue note in one of the in-flight food trays claiming she is being held against her will. To cheer her up, Rona tries to persuade her to go on a girls' night out and see a group of male strippers, but she initially refuses. Tina and her partner Brian arrive to tell Ben that their estranged father Frank is returning to the country, and invite him and Bill to their house for a family reunion. Ben and Tina disapprove of their father having married Darrani, a much younger Thai woman, but Brian gets on with Frank as they have similar misogynistic views, which disgusts Bill and Ben. Rona and Bill take Tina and Darrani to see male strippers, where Rona discovers one of the strippers is her ex-fiancé Gordon, whom she jilted at the altar when she was 17. Frank visits the Porters to try to make amends with Ben for being absent all his life. David brings home a Saint Christopher medal he found when playing in a graveyard.

Bill finds out about Angelo's death. Ben begins to film the family on his camcorder, hoping to send the footage into You've Been Framed. Feeling unfulfilled and strained by the hours she has to work at the airline meals factory, Bill decides to find another job. At home, the family are still unwilling to help with the chores, so Bill tells Jenny and David they can be in charge of the household for the night; however, Bill and Ben refuse to do what they are told, so they are sent to their bedroom for a punishment. Bill sets off to the interview wearing the Saint Christopher that David found in the graveyard. Meanwhile, Rona agrees to go on a date with Gordon. Gordon takes Rona to a singles bar, where he discovers that since their breakup, Rona has enjoyed casual sex with many men.

Rona gets ready for her wedding and the Porters' house is in chaos as Bill prepares the food. David keeps complaining that he feels sick and wants to stay at home, Bill arrives at Rona's house, but through the kitchen window she sees her hanging from the light fitting in her wedding dress. Bill puts her head through the cat flap to find out what happened; Rona explains she was changing a light bulb when the ladder fell and she is now trapped. Bill tries to crawl back through the cat flap but finds her head is stuck. With the help of a passing door-to-door salesman, Rona and Bill are set free, but back at the Porter house, Jenny discovers David is unconscious. Rona tells Bill and Ben to take David to the hospital in her wedding car, leaving Rona trying to hail a taxi. A doctor tells Bill and Ben that David is suffering from tetanus, and is in a serious condition.

At the hospital, Bill blames herself for not listening to David when he complained of being ill, Jenny professes her guilt for not checking up on him when she was more concerned with a spot. Ben, however, feels guilty about David's situation after not taking him to have his tetanus booster. On the bus, Rona is sat next to a talkative old woman whose conversation is convincing Rona to back out of the wedding. While David lies in a coma, Angelo the biker appears to him in a dream, and tells him that he has to make the decision to live or die. David tells Angelo that he feels unwanted and unloved by his family, and is not sure whether to continue living. When Rona arrives at the church, she sees her side of the seating is filled with her ex-boyfriends, and at the last minute runs out on her groom. In David's hospital room, Ben begins talking to the unconscious David, explaining that he loves him and the family want him back. David suddenly awakes, and throws up over Ben

While Rona spends Christmas alone, the Porters feel obliged to visit Bette for the holiday. Her guilt-inflicting power games leave them exhausted and no one objects when she is finally put into a hypnotic trance by the new flashing Christmas tree lights. The Christmas musical number: Winter Wonderland.

Struggling to keep up with her role as a working mother, Bill's life is chaotic as she receives no help around the house from her old-fashioned husband, Ben, or their son, David, and prima donna daughter, Jenny. Bill is called into Jenny's school to see the headmaster who explains that Jenny has not been attending classes. Bill discovers Jenny has been secretly dating a boy who rides a motorbike, but as Bill has been meeting up with handsome twenty-something biker Angelo, she does not have much to say about it without feeling hypocritical. Bill considers eloping with Angelo when he offers to take her away from her stressful life.

Jenny is unhappy with her new trainers, and Bill is struggling to keep the house in order which is made a lot harder by the fact that the rest of her family seem unwilling to help. Her relationship with Ben is also strained as he is too tired to have sex with her; he has been falling asleep on the sofa watching snooker. Forced to do the laundry at her neighbour's house, she is confronted by Rona's latest boyfriend Sven, who is unable to speak a word of English. Bill talks to Rona about how she feels about meeting Angelo. Ben arranges for the family to have Sunday dinner at his sister Tina's house but when they get there, everything turns into a disaster. Tina's husband, Brian, takes Ben to the pub, leaving the women to stay at home to cook. Tina tells Bill she is a bad mother because she chooses to work instead of staying at home with her children, and hits David when she realises he has brought his pet rat into her house.

Bill goes food shopping at the supermarket for Ben's barbecue where she witnesses a theft and gives chase, Bill herself is mistaken for a thief and is taken for questioning by the store detective, an overbearing woman who refuses to believe that Bill is innocent. Bill spots Angelo in the supermarket on one of the CCTV cameras, which gives her the inner strength to stand up to the store detective. Ben receives a letter from the Inland Revenue, informing him of an appointment with a tax inspector. Ben's meeting with the tax inspector goes well when he finds out he is owed a rebate, receiving £3,000. Ben's barbecue is a disaster and Jenny reacts by deciding to become a vegetarian. Bill and Rona call the telephone number that was left on a piece of paper on Ben's van, which Bill expects to be from Angelo, only to discover it was left by a potential customer.

Panic sets in as the Porters prepare for a dreaded visit from Bill's widowed mother Bette, who gives Jenny an awful taffeta dress and David a video nasty. Bette is demanding as she kicks Bill and Ben out of their bedroom and irritates them constantly with her demands. The next day, Bill returns home from work and discovers Bette in bed with an old flame, which is the reason she commandeered the master bedroom. Appalled and upset at first, they later have a heart-to-heart conversation, and Bill realises she is becoming more like her mother with age. Bill's bumps into Angelo again, telling him that she is married with two children. Ben has to visit attractive ex-girlfriend Pauline to do some plumbing work. He tells her that he is married to Bill and has two children. She tells him that she is dissatisfied with her husband Trevor and tries to encourage Ben to have an affair with her.

Bill tries to teach David and Jenny that being honest is a mature and adult trait, while Ben's secretive trips to his workshop are becoming more frequent. Under pressure from doing the housework, coping with a new manager at the bakery and learning to drive, Bill is tested to her limits and overlooks Jenny, who has broken up with her first boyfriend. Bill and Ben go bowling whilst Rona babysits David and Jenny. Rona talks to Jenny and reminisces about her wedding, when she jilted the groom at the altar. Bill passes her driving test and is eager to show him her new driving skills and to see the work Ben has been doing on the family car, but is shocked to discover that their Austin Montego has been replaced with a 1950s Chevrolet.

Money is short in the Porter household as Ben spent all the tax refund money on the car, and Bill's bakery manager refuses to pay her wages on time. Bill makes a trip to the bank to ask for a small loan, which is rejected. After leaving, Angelo appears and they have a short conversation. The mother of Judith, a girl whom David and his best friend, Sammy, were playing strip Happy Families with, visits to complain to Bill about it. Rona writes her telephone number on a carrier bag for a customer at the bakery, but the manager takes it by accident and begins calling and pestering her for sex. Rona contemplates it, but Bill is appalled. They lead him on, allowing him to strip completely naked, before quitting their jobs and locking him inside the shop. Lacking the second income from Bill's job, Ben decides to sell the car, but knowing how much pleasure he gets from it, Bill allows him to keep it.

Plot of this episode is not specified yet. Please check back later for more update.